Okay, so today is International Losers Day– the big V-Day. I guess I shouldn’t be so full of sour grapes and cynicism. I actually have several friends who are happily married, even tho about 60% of my friends are not married–especially my Fb friends–and generally speaking they’re not too happy about it. But like my ex-wife’s twin Judy Tenuta says, “Hey, It could happen!”
So why is it that “falling” is associated with the big-L word–you know, as in, in-LOVE? I tend to think of, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” or something like that. Yesterday, I re-posted this quip: “I never make the same mistake twice; I make it 5 or 6 times, you know, just to be sure.” I would guess that 5 or 6 would account for the number of times I’ve “fallen” in love. Which, of course, in most cases, was not really love but mere infatuation.
And what is it about our post-modern notions of romance? Back in the 50s and 60s certain types of obsessive behavior was considered “romantic” but today it could get you locked up for stalking. Anyway, It was 24 yrs ago last week that I quit smoking. I quit because I thought I was dying–but I started way back in ’68 because I thought I was in love, and I wanted to appear sophisticated. The object of my obsession then was a tall blonde, wore the shortest mini-skirts, smoked Marlboro’s and drank good Scotch–and so, of course, so did I–substituting bell-bottoms and a mullet for the mini. Her interest in me lasted about six weeks, mine endured a bit longer into the obsessive stage before it finally burnt out. I didn’t quite get around to stalking, but I thought about it. Unfortunately, what endured, was the nicotine habit.
About a decade ago I went to a marriage seminar put on by a husband and wife team who were Christian counselors specializing in relationships. The biggest thing I got out of this is the thought that “being in love is your brain on drugs.” When we meet someone and there’s a powerful mutual attraction, for several months the oxytocin and dopamine juices are flowing in our brains and we are definitely not in our right mind. It’s not called “DOPE-amine” for nothin’. However, after about three months the brain levels of these love-juices habituate and tend back toward normal. That is when the relationship enters its “testing” phase–you know, that’s when little problems start to crop up–but survive that phase, and maybe it’ll endure.
A psychologist at the University of York in the UK has discovered a promising formula for “falling in love.”
1. Find a complete stranger
2. Reveal to each other intimate details about your lives for 30-min
3. Stare deeply into each others eyes for 4-min without talking
Sounds like a plan to me, and I’m screening all applicants between the ages of 51-67. However, must be a 7 or higher on the perfect 10-scale, have a good job, be a bit emotionally needy (but not too needy), be considered slender or athletic–laugh at all the funny things I say but give me grace on the dumb things I’m prone to say & do, and enjoy all the usual romantic things like cruises, fine dining, and moonlit walks on the beach poking dead things with a stick.
Don’t laugh! It could happen.